Unmuted: Healing Out Loud

  There comes a point when the game stops working. When the lies don’t stick. When the pity party loses steam. When the same tired excuses crash headfirst into receipts, subpoenas, and someone like me — who’s done playing the fool. Let’s be clear: I didn’t blow this whole thing wide open because I wanted to. I did it because I had to. Because he couldn’t stop lying, and I couldn’t keep cleaning up the mess. Because if the truth was going to crawl out of the shadows, someone had to drag it — kicking and screaming if necessary — into the light. And that someone? Was me. I’ve done the work — in court, in healing, in silence, and in full view. I’ve spent hours, weeks, months connecting dots, reviewing lies, and lining up facts like dominos. All while being told I was “emotional,” “vindictive,” or just a “bitter soon-to-be ex.” And yet… here we are. With the record showing that I was right . With multiple trustees , federal officials, and even his own testimony proving...

There’s something that happens when you finally say, “Enough.” When you stop accepting the bare minimum. When you stop tiptoeing to keep the peace. When you finally stop waiting for the apology, the change, or the decency that never comes — and you file for divorce. For me, that moment triggered a full-blown war. Not because I was cruel. Not because I did anything wrong. But because I took my power back — and he couldn’t handle it. We had an agreement that he begged for.  We were supposed to split the bills. He was supposed to pay for the truck — the one he drove. And I co-signed. We were supposed to move through this like adults so we could both move on. But instead, the moment I refused to reconcile, he flipped the script. He stopped paying anything. He stopped cooperating. And instead of facing this like a man, he chose to weaponize the system. He filed for bankruptcy to avoid accountability. He tried to drag my name through the mud. He’s told people I’m the...

 Part of healing and recovery from narcissistic and emotional abuse is learning some pretty deep, often disturbing things about yourself. I have asked myself more times than I can count "why didn't I leave? What is wrong with me that I stayed with a man that treated me so horribly?"  I've even discussed it at length with my therapist.   The answer is multi-faceted.  1)  You don't know what you don't know.  I didn't know much about gaslighting, coercive control, breadcrumbing, love-bombing, manipulation, or future-faking. So I didn't recognize them as red flags.  I saw them as "areas to improve". 2) I was told that because I had been subjected to those behaviors since childhood, they were FAMILIAR to me.  So I didn't run like a normal, healed, emotionally balanced person would've - I stayed and fought harder to fix things, prove my worth, and love harder.  I spend a lot of time now rewiring my brain.  In fact - I have an absolutely a...

  I have learned a lot of things in my life, but I can honestly say that this was never one of them. Until now. I made excuses for the shitty behavior, gave the "benefit of the doubt", believed that they were just dealt a bad hand and with my support and love - I could fix it all. What this method of operation has gotten me is:  cheated on, abused, lied to, manipulated, financially destroyed, emotionally destroyed and more. Why?  Because I didn't see myself as the Queen and I didn't act like one either. So here's my advice based on what I've learned and a practice that I've put into place in my life now...............  Queens Don’t Chase Jesters: Stop Settling for Clowns Let’s get real, ladies. There’s a quiet epidemic running wild in the dating world—and it’s not the lack of good men. It’s the number of Queens acting like servants, court jesters, and peasants just to get crumbs of male attention. Somewhere along the way, too many women forgot who they...

  I'm a survivor of narcissistic abuse.  By the time he moved out - I was just about completely emotionally destroyed. I've spent the last 8 months trying to heal from the damage, but I can't get major progress in my healing yet because he's still abusing me - just through legal and financial avenues now. I have to start my life over, thankfully not from scratch (although that seems to be his motive or end game) but definitely starting a lot of things over.  That's not the easiest thing to do, especially at my age. I've tried really hard to beat myself up for everything he did to me. I was blamed for everything that didn't go his way. If he was in a bad mood, it was my fault. If he gave me the silent treatment, it was my fault. If he got caught lying, it was my fault. His moving out? Yep. My fault too. Hell - it's my fault he decided not to pay on the truck I signed for, that he filed bankruptcy, and that the bankruptcy case is in serious trouble. All. M...

I have been struggling to understand WHY he continues to do the nasty, cruel things he does. Especially when I have never done a thing to him - other than love him, help him, raise him up, protect him and try to give him everything I could.  Even when he decided to leave - I didn't get vengeful. I didn't cause any issues. I let him walk with most of the items purchased during our marriage, the nice truck I co-signed on, and with the assumption that he would actually keep the separation agreement he pleaded me to draft.  He literally stabbed me financially the minute he moved out. He had NO intention of abiding by the agreement.  He just used it as a guise to get me to let him have everything before he left.  Still - I didn't reach out. I didn't get hostile. I used my energy to figure out a way to survive. While he was out wining and dining his next victim, getting tattoos, buying himself expensive cigars and living it up - I was grocery shopping at the dollar store. ...