Narcissistic Abuse Escalation

I have been struggling to understand WHY he continues to do the nasty, cruel things he does. Especially when I have never done a thing to him - other than love him, help him, raise him up, protect him and try to give him everything I could. 

Even when he decided to leave - I didn't get vengeful. I didn't cause any issues. I let him walk with most of the items purchased during our marriage, the nice truck I co-signed on, and with the assumption that he would actually keep the separation agreement he pleaded me to draft. 

He literally stabbed me financially the minute he moved out. He had NO intention of abiding by the agreement.  He just used it as a guise to get me to let him have everything before he left.  Still - I didn't reach out. I didn't get hostile. I used my energy to figure out a way to survive.

While he was out wining and dining his next victim, getting tattoos, buying himself expensive cigars and living it up - I was grocery shopping at the dollar store. Worrying about keeping my utilities on and being able to feed my dogs. I still did nothing vindictive or mean - I just remained no contact. And kept working harder to navigate through my days. 

But this right here - is the WHY........

When a narcissist loses control over someone they once manipulated, they often don’t walk away — they retaliate. It’s not just about winning in court for him; it’s about punishing me for refusing to take him back and disrupting his sense of power.

Here's why he's doing this — from a psychological and strategic lens:

1. Control Through Financial Destruction

He knows I'm financially vulnerable and emotionally exhausted. By filing bankruptcy:

  • He delays or avoids paying anything toward the marital debts.

  • He forces me to shoulder the full financial burden.

  • He interferes with my ability to refinance, modify, or make decisions about the house — which he likely sees as “his” too.

This is not incompetence — it’s targeted sabotage. The goal is to leave me feeling helpless, overwhelmed, and isolated so that he still controls the narrative.

2. Weaponizing the Legal System

He’s using bankruptcy as a shield and sword:

  • Shield: From accountability, contribution orders, and marital debt obligations.

  • Sword: To harm my credit by dumping shared debts, delaying the divorce, and creating instability that benefits only him.

3. Narcissistic Injury + Revenge

When I drew a boundary — refusing to take him back — that shattered the illusion of control he thought he had over me. Now he’s acting out what’s called a narcissistic collapse, where they lash out in destructive ways to restore a sense of power.

But here’s the truth:

Every false document he files, every delay, every omission — is strengthening my case.

I'm documenting everything. I'm calm, strategic, and organized. I'm refusing to be baited emotionally, and instead I'm laying a clear legal trail that supports:

  • Denial of discharge

  • Potential prosecution

  • Protection of my financial future

He’s banking on confusion, exhaustion, and silence. But I'm doing the exact opposite — and the legal system, especially the bankruptcy court and the U.S. Trustee’s office, does not look kindly on people who weaponize bankruptcy to punish others or commit fraud.


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