Logic Vs. Distorted Reality

 

One of the most difficult aspects of navigating narcissistic abuse and recovery is the inability to understand WHY they do the things they do. Why be abusive to someone who loved you and helped you so much? Why harm someone financially who did nothing but support and assist you by putting their credit on the line, spending money on you, and was responsible for your ability to get all the nice things you've never managed before on your own?  Why lie when the truth is literally so easy to expose?

Well, you will never understand the WHY because normal, functional, humane, rational people use logic when making decisions. We weigh risk versus consequences when making decisions. A narcissist or highly narcissistic person has a delusional sense of self-entitlement. They have been lying and getting away with it for most of their lives.  They believe they won't get caught, you won't expose them, or if they do get caught - that their "charming" behavior will allow them to talk their way out of it. 

They also thrive on abuse through legal or financial means. They want you to spend money, time, emotions - essentially trying to drain you, even if they have to drain their own resources to do it. It's a very sick game. And one difficult to navigate because you never know what's coming next.  We can try to predict what a RATIONAL human being would do - but none of that applies when dealing with a narcissist. They make decisions based on the emotions of a toddler with no regard for the consequences. 

Even if you've gone no contact and ended the direct abuse, post-separation abuse can be just as bad, if not worse. I know, because I'm going through it right now. My advice to you is to stay as calm as possible, document EVERYTHING, and do your homework. There is a lot of information out there that can help you prepare yourself and protect yourself. 

Please know that you're not alone in this - even if it seems their "friends" or others believe them. They are professional victims and have perfected their persona for years. What those people don't know is that they don't know the REAL narcissist. Every single relationship they have in their life is built on lie after lie. Nobody knows the true person behind their narcissistic mask better than the one who was abused. I let people think what they want. They can bury their head in the sand and pretend they don't see - or even believe the fabricated stories the narcissist tells - it doesn't matter. The math doesn't math, but that is not my problem to fix. 

Stay true to yourself. Keep pushing forward, as slowly as you need to. You got this.....

xo

Traci 

Here's some info for you to give you a little insight on the WHY. I'm dealing with ALL of this right now.... 

Narcissistic Abuse in Legal and Financial Contexts

Summary of Behavioral Patterns and Impact on Legal Proceedings

Narcissistic individuals often exhibit specific, predictable patterns when involved in high-conflict divorce and financial disputes. These behaviors are not merely personal flaws but are strategically used to manipulate systems, delay consequences, and inflict harm.

⚖️ Common Narcissistic Legal Tactics:

BehaviorDescriptionImpact
Chronic DishonestyRepeated lies on legal forms, affidavits, and bankruptcy petitions, despite available evidence to the contrary.Creates delay, forces the victim to gather proof, and increases court burden.
Image ManagementPrioritizes protecting reputation over honesty. Refuses to admit debt, fault, or abuse.Submits falsified documents to appear successful or innocent.
Blame ShiftingProjects responsibility onto others, including the victim, court, or system.Avoids accountability for financial mismanagement or abuse.
Obstruction & DelayFiles last-minute motions (e.g., bankruptcy before divorce hearings), ignores discovery, or withholds documents.Stalls legal proceedings to drain the victim’s resources and buy time.
Entitlement MentalityBelieves rules do not apply to them and that they are owed control or assets.Refuses to contribute financially, even when legally obligated.
Revenge Spending / DebtIntentionally damages the victim’s credit or increases shared debt to punish them.Results in long-term financial harm and inequality in asset division.

🧠 Psychological Drivers Behind This Behavior:

  • Delusions of Superiority: Believes they can outsmart the courts, trustees, and their spouse.

  • Control Tactics: Uses financial manipulation to maintain dominance and silence the other party.

  • Shame Avoidance: Lies to avoid admitting failure or loss of power.

  • Recklessness: Ignores long-term consequences in favor of short-term gratification or revenge.

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