The Abuse Continues - Even After You End the Relationship

 For those of you who are in toxic, narcissistic, abusive relationships or marriages - making the decision to end the relationship is not something you decide on a whim. Chances are - you thought about it time and time again but were afraid to make the move.  I thought about it on and off for almost 9 years but talked myself out of it for a myriad of reasons. I hadn't convinced myself that I had tried everything possible to make it work. I would see small little glimpses of the guy he pretended to be when we met - and I took those little breadcrumbs and hung on to them for dear life. Little did I know - that was all part of his strategy and deception to keep me hooked in and chasing a carrot that moved every time I got close.

I would love to tell you that once you make the decision to end the relationship - whether you leave or he left you - that the abuse stops. Unfortunately, it doesn't. The narcissist is the only one who is allowed to make those decisions, in their distorted minds, and if you did it anyways - be ready for the rumble. They will double down on their tactics and try to make you pay any way they can. 

My narcissistic husband plays the victim well in public and to his flying monkeys. He told them lie upon lie about his finances, why he couldn't afford his truck, how badly I treated him, that I'm a "drunk", I'm "violent", that I took all the money from the bank account and rendered him incapable of even "buying a bottle of water".  It's really nuts because NONE of those things are true. Not even a little. But without those terrible stories - he can't get the sympathy and attention he desires so badly. Without being the victim - he can't get people to take care of him and solve the problems he created with his bad decisions. Every one of those people buying into his feigned distress are going to find out how much of a fool he's making out of them - but that is their problem and not mine. 

Since I decided I wanted nothing further to do with him, went 100% no contact, and he couldn't emotionally abuse me or antagonize me any longer - he went after the things I valued most. My home and my credit. His latest abuse is financial and legal abuse.

He has refused to pay anything toward our mortgage, our marital debts, and stopped paying on the truck that I co-signed on for him. He harpooned himself and annihilated his credit because it was the only way to get to mine. He filed a fraudulent bankruptcy petition the afternoon before my divorce judge was going to order him to contribute to the marital expenses - halting my divorce completely. He is faking the inability to work due to a routine shoulder surgery, just to make his income fall within the guidelines of the bankruptcy. I could go on and on with the games within the bankruptcy case, but I'll post the actual results soon enough. 

What I'm here to tell you is that no matter how hard they try to continue the abuse - stand your ground. Speak your truths. Document everything. And reach out to anyone you can trust for support. You can and will get through this. I'm not through it yet, but God is protecting me. I have unmuted myself and I am telling my story.  I hope that my story will help someone else get the courage to end their abuse too and that I can possibly prevent his next victim from being abused like I was.

Wishing you peace and healing....

xo 

Traci 


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